“I Thought My Life Was Over”: Matt’s Story of Addiction, Recovery, and Hope

At 58, Matt is many things; an accomplished anesthesiologist, a husband of 32 years, a proud father, and a grandfather. But several years ago, standing at the edge of personal and professional collapse, he couldn’t imagine that any of those titles would still apply. “I thought my life was over,” he says. Twice, in fact.

Matt’s story is not one of rock-bottom cliches or dramatic interventions. His path to addiction didn’t begin in adolescence or as a response to peer pressure. For the first 45 years of his life, he says, “I was the straightest arrow you could find. Never messed around. No substances. I played by the rules.”

Emotional Stress, Easy Access, and a Critical Decision

As a medical professional working in anesthesiology—a field uniquely exposed to potent substances—Matt was aware of the risks. But when personal emotional stress collided with professional access, he made a choice that changed everything. “I made a very conscious and very mistaken decision to treat that stress with drugs I worked with every day.” That choice led to a year of hidden substance use, unnoticed by family or colleagues,until it wasn’t.

Entering Recovery as a Healthcare Professional

When Matt’s behavior raised alarms at work, he didn’t deny it. “I immediately admitted what I had done. I thought my career was over for sure.” Fortunately, he was referred to the Michigan Health Professional Recovery Program (HPRP), which supports medical professionals struggling with addiction. He complied with every aspect of his three-year monitoring agreement—counseling, drug testing, group therapy—but internally, something was missing. “I never felt heard,” he explains. “I was being talked to like I was 15. It felt like lectures, not healing.”

Despite the disconnect, Matt finished the program and eventually returned to work. But years later, following a debilitating back injury and mounting stress, he relapsed—this time with a different drug, believing he could outsmart the disease. “I thought I was smarter than addiction. That I’d beat it once, I could do it again.” But addiction isn’t a logic problem, it’s a disease. And this time, he didn’t see it coming.

A Second Relapse and a Deeper Understanding of Addiction

What followed was another intervention at work, another confrontation, and another period of intense shame. “I truly thought, ‘I can’t do the only thing I know how to do. I should kill myself.’” That was the moment Matt walked back into HPRP, but this time, everything changed.

Finding River’s Bend and Stephanie

Among the list of counseling centers he was given, one name, River’s Bend, stood out. He can’t recall exactly why. “There was just something about it. Maybe it was luck. Maybe it was something bigger.” He started with an initial therapist, but soon met Stephanie Howey, co-owner of River’s Bend, who was filling in for a group session. And something clicked.

“There was no judgment,” he says. “No lectures. She wasn’t trying to ‘fix’ me or make me feel like I was broken.” Unlike his earlier experiences, Stephanie engaged Matt as a peer. “It felt like a conversation with someone who respected me. She would ask questions that made me turn my thoughts around and look at them differently.”

Why the Right Therapist Makes All the Difference

Stephanie didn’t just treat Matt’s addiction, she helped him rediscover his identity beyond it. “She reminded me this wasn’t just about getting back to work, it was about staying alive for my wife, for my grandchild.” Over time, Stephanie gently helped him explore a return to professional life not all at once, but in manageable steps. “She never promised I’d go back. She said, let’s see what’s possible.”

Rebuilding Life One Step at a Time

It wasn’t easy. Matt faced multiple rejections when trying to return to practice. “At one point, I applied for a job and was told never to apply again.” He fell into another depression, but Stephanie noticed immediately. “Even on Zoom, she could tell something was wrong.” She reminded him how far he’d come, encouraged him to keep trying, and eventually, he landed a part-time job. That job led to another. And last year, Matt fully returned to the career he thought he had lost forever.

A Full-Circle Moment in Addiction Recovery

“I’m better than I was before,” he says now. “And that’s because of Stephanie.”

Today, Matt continues to live in recovery, and with gratitude. “She taught me grace. That small steps matter. That a failure doesn’t mean the end.” Even after completing his work at River’s Bend, Matt still reaches out to Stephanie occasionally, not just for professional guidance, but personal support. “That’s how much I trust her.”

A Message to Others in the Medical Profession

For others, especially professionals who feel trapped in their addiction, Matt wants them to know: “Addiction doesn’t have to define you. There are places like River’s Bend, and people like Stephanie, who won’t look down on you. They’ll walk beside you. They’ll help you see that you already have what you need inside you, you just need someone to help you find it again.”

Recovery isn’t linear. It can often be painful and full of setbacks. But Matt’s story is proof that with the right support, the right therapist, and the right environment, transformation is possible.

And sometimes, all it takes is one person who really listens.