Recognizing Warning Signs: Changes That Shouldn’t Be Ignored

You don’t have to be a therapist to notice when someone isn’t themselves.

You might be a teacher who realizes a student who used to participate has stopped raising their hand.

A hairdresser whose longtime client suddenly talks differently about the future.

A librarian who notices a regular visitor becoming increasingly withdrawn.

A daycare worker who sees a parent who normally chats at pickup becoming overwhelmed and disconnected.

A senior center employee who realizes someone has stopped coming to activities they once enjoyed.

A bus driver who sees the same people every morning—and notices when one of them seems different.

These everyday relationships matter.

During a recent conversation about suicide prevention, River’s Bend Director of Business Development and Suicide Prevention Specialist Leah Bogdanski talked about the importance of helping more people recognize when something may be wrong. Her point was simple: suicide prevention cannot belong only to mental health professionals.

Sometimes the person who notices first is simply the person who happens to be paying attention.

Look for Changes, Not a Checklist

There isn’t one behavior that tells you someone is thinking about suicide.

Instead, pay attention to changes from what is normal for that person, particularly when several changes happen together or follow a difficult life event.

Leah identified several warning signs during our conversation, including withdrawal, changes in personal appearance or hygiene, increased alcohol or drug use, expressions of hopelessness, talking more about death, and giving away possessions that are important to someone.

Here are some changes worth noticing.

They’re pulling away.

Someone who normally talks with coworkers stops joining conversations.

A teenager spends increasingly more time isolated from friends and family.

A regular customer who always chats suddenly doesn’t.

Withdrawal doesn’t automatically mean someone is experiencing suicidal thoughts. But a meaningful change in connection can be a reason to check in.

They seem hopeless.

Pay attention not only to behavior, but also to language.

Someone might say:

“Nothing is ever going to change.”

“Nobody cares about me.”

“My life doesn’t matter.”

Leah specifically identified statements expressing hopelessness or a sense that no one cares as things we shouldn’t simply brush aside.

Something significant has happened in their life.

Loss can take many forms.

A death.

A divorce.

A breakup.

A job loss.

A serious diagnosis.

Financial problems.

Legal trouble.

Retirement.

A major transition.

A traumatic experience.

A life change alone doesn’t tell us someone is suicidal. But when significant stress or loss is accompanied by withdrawal, hopelessness, increased substance use, or other concerning changes, pay attention.

Their alcohol or drug use has changed.

An increase in alcohol or substance use can be another reason for concern, particularly when it appears alongside depression, isolation, grief, anger, or other significant behavioral changes.

You don’t need to determine why someone’s substance use has changed before checking in.

You only need to notice that it has.

They stop caring about things that used to matter.

Maybe they stop participating in activities they once loved.

They disengage from relationships.

Their appearance or hygiene changes significantly.

They stop making plans.

Something that once seemed important to them suddenly doesn’t seem to matter.

Again, the important word is change.

You aren’t diagnosing the person.

You’re noticing them.

They begin giving things away or talking differently about death.

Giving away prized or meaningful possessions is one of the warning signs Leah specifically identified during our conversation. An unusual increase in talking about death can also warrant attention.

Don’t assume comments about death are simply jokes or that someone is “being dramatic.”

Listen to the words.

Consider the context.

Notice what else has changed.

What About a Sudden Sense of Calm?

Sometimes people become especially concerned when someone who has been severely distressed suddenly appears much calmer.

A change like this should be understood in context rather than treated as proof that someone is suicidal. But if you have already been seriously worried about a person, an abrupt change is another reason not to assume everything is fine simply because they appear better.

Check in.

You don’t lose anything by letting someone know you noticed them.

You Don’t Have to Decide Whether Someone Is “Really” Suicidal

This may be the most important part.

Your job is not to diagnose.

Your job isn’t to determine someone’s level of suicide risk.

And your job isn’t to wait until you have enough evidence to prove something is wrong.

Your job is to notice and care.

If you’re concerned, start a conversation.

You can say:

“You haven’t seemed like yourself lately. How are you doing?”

“I’ve noticed you’ve been pretty withdrawn. I wanted to check on you.”

“You’ve said a few things lately that have me worried about you.”

And if what you have seen or heard makes you concerned about suicide, Leah’s advice is even simpler:

Ask the question.

“Are you thinking about suicide?”

As Leah explained in our longer conversation about suicide prevention, direct language matters. You don’t have to know what the answer will be before you ask.

Ordinary People Can Make an Extraordinary Difference

Teachers notice students.

Hairdressers listen to clients.

Librarians know their regulars.

Daycare workers see families during stressful seasons of life.

Senior center staff build relationships with people who may be experiencing grief, isolation, illness, or significant transitions.

Bus drivers see people day after day.

Coworkers know when the person at the desk beside them isn’t acting like themselves.

Neighbors notice when routines change.

None of these people are expected to become mental health professionals.

But all of us can become better at noticing one another.

That’s part of what Leah means when she says suicide prevention belongs in communities—not only inside behavioral healthcare organizations.

If You’re Unsure, Reach Out Anyway

Maybe you’re wrong.

Maybe the person is simply having a difficult week.

Maybe they don’t want to talk.

That’s okay.

Checking in still communicates something valuable:

I noticed you.

You matter to me.

You don’t have to struggle without someone knowing.

And sometimes that small moment of connection can open the door to a much more important conversation.

If you’re unsure, reach out anyway.

If you’re worried, ask.

And if someone tells you they are thinking about suicide, don’t try to manage the situation alone. Help them connect with appropriate crisis or professional support.

Call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. You can also contact 988 when you are concerned about someone else and need guidance about what to do next. If there is an immediate life-threatening emergency, call 911 or seek emergency medical care.

For a deeper conversation about what to say, what not to say, and what to do if someone tells you they are thinking about suicide, read our companion article:

What I Wish More People Knew About Suicide Prevention: Ask the Question — A Conversation with Leah Bogdanski

Real Talk. Real Support.

Notice the change. Start the conversation. Ask the question.