What I Wish More People Knew About Suicide Prevention: Ask the Question

Two hands gently cradling a yellow ribbon, the symbol for suicide prevention awareness.

A Conversation with Suicide Prevention Specialist Leah Bogdanski

If you are worried, ask the question.

That is the message Leah Bogdanski wants people to remember about suicide prevention.

  • Not a complicated clinical protocol.
  • Not the perfect words.
  • Not waiting until you are absolutely certain something is wrong.

Ask the question.

“Are you thinking about suicide?”

For many of us, those may be some of the hardest words we could imagine saying to someone we love.

For Leah, they are words more of us need to become comfortable saying.

Leah Bogdanski, BS, CPS, is Director of Business Development at River’s Bend and a suicide prevention specialist whose work extends well beyond behavioral healthcare referrals. She serves on the board of the Oakland County Suicide Prevention Task Force and has completed multiple suicide prevention awareness and intervention trainings, including safeTALK and QPR.

Through that work, Leah has spent considerable time thinking about a question that affects families, schools, workplaces, healthcare professionals, and entire communities:

What can ordinary people actually do to help prevent suicide?

Her answer is refreshingly uncomplicated.

  1. Know what to notice.
  2. Be willing to talk about suicide.
  3. Ask directly when you are concerned.
  4. And help the person connect with support.

Again and again during our conversation, Leah returned to the same idea:

Human connection matters. And sometimes connection means being brave enough to ask a difficult question.

Why Talking About Suicide Is Part of Suicide Prevention

Suicide is difficult to talk about.

That discomfort can lead people to avoid the subject altogether, particularly when they worry that asking someone about suicide might somehow introduce the idea to someone who wasn’t already thinking about it.

Leah wants people to move beyond that fear.

She believes understanding suicide risk factors, protective factors, and warning signs gives families and communities a better opportunity to recognize when someone may need help. Avoiding the subject can have the opposite effect: when we don’t talk about suicide, people who are struggling may become even less likely to talk about what they are experiencing.

That is particularly important for parents.

Leah acknowledged a fear many parents have: What if asking my child about suicide puts the idea into their head?1

But fear of the conversation should not keep us from checking in when something doesn’t seem right.

We don’t need to make suicide easier to hide.

We need to make it easier to talk about.

Know the Warning Signs of Suicide

Before there is a question, there is often a change.

  • Maybe someone has begun withdrawing from friends or family.
  • Their personal appearance or hygiene has changed.
  • They are giving away prized possessions.
  • They seem unusually focused on death.
  • There may be increased alcohol or drug use, rage, depression, emotional distress, grief, isolation, or expressions of hopelessness.

Sometimes it is something they say:

“My life doesn’t matter.”

“Nobody really cares about me.”

Individually, these experiences do not necessarily mean someone is having suicidal thoughts. But changes in patterns and combinations of warning signs deserve our attention. These were among the changes Leah specifically identified during our conversation.2

And if what you are seeing or hearing makes you concerned, Leah’s advice is direct.

Ask.

How Do You Ask Someone If They Are Thinking About Suicide?

We often soften difficult conversations.

  • “Are you okay?”
  • “Are you safe?”
  • “Are you thinking about hurting yourself?”

Those questions may feel easier to ask.

But Leah encourages people to be clear:

“Are you thinking about suicide?”

Why so direct?

Because hurting yourself can mean many different things. Asking specifically about suicide removes the ambiguity.

Leah also recommends explaining what prompted the question.

You might say:

“You’ve been talking a lot about death lately, and you’ve told me how hopeless things have been feeling. I care about you, and I want to ask you something directly. Are you thinking about suicide?”

During our conversation, Leah described how powerful that directness can be. Someone experiencing suicidal thoughts may not expect another person to ask. Hearing the question can create an opportunity to finally say out loud what they have been carrying privately.

You don’t need to know the answer before you ask.

That’s why you’re asking.

What Should You Say to Someone Who Is Suicidal?

If someone says yes, this isn’t the moment to debate how they feel.

Avoid responses like:

  • “Why would you think that?”
  • “You have so much to live for.”
  • “That’s selfish.”
  • “You would never actually do that.”

Those responses may come from fear, shock, or even love. But to the person who has finally admitted how much they are hurting, they can feel dismissive.

Leah suggests responding differently:

“That’s a really hard place to be. I’m sorry you’re going through this.”

Then:

“I’m concerned about your safety. What can we do together to make sure you stay safe right now?”

The distinction is important.

You aren’t trying to convince someone that they shouldn’t feel what they feel.

You are showing them that they do not have to face it alone.

If Someone Is Thinking About Suicide, Get Help

This was perhaps the clearest pattern in our entire conversation with Leah:

Ask the question.

If the answer is yes, get help.

  • You do not have to become the crisis professional.
  • You do not have to perform an assessment yourself.
  • You do not need to know exactly what comes next.
  • You need to help connect the person to people who do.

Depending on the situation and immediacy of the danger, that may mean contacting crisis support, seeking an emergency evaluation, or involving another appropriate professional.

And if you aren’t sure that you are emotionally prepared to manage the conversation, Leah made another important point:

You can still be the person who helps.

  1. Sit beside them while you call for professional help together.
  2. Help make the connection.
  3. Stay present.

As Leah explained during our conversation, needing another person to guide the crisis doesn’t mean you have failed your loved one. You’re still the person helping them get the support they need.

Sometimes love looks less like having the right answer and more like saying:

“I’m staying with you while we find someone who can help us.”

They May Be Angry With You. Help Anyway.

This may be one of the most difficult parts for families and friends.

Someone may tell you they are thinking about suicide and then ask you not to tell anyone.

You may worry about betraying their trust.

You may worry they will be furious if you involve someone else.

Leah doesn’t minimize that possibility.

They might be angry.

In the moment, they may even hate that you involved someone else.

But Leah’s perspective is strikingly clear:

“It’s okay that they’re angry in that moment. It’s okay that they hate you in that moment. You’re saving somebody.”

She has seen the perspective change after a crisis: They cared about me enough to get me the help I needed.

Protecting a relationship cannot be more important than protecting a life.

Suicide Prevention Isn’t Only for Mental Health Professionals

One of the most memorable moments in our conversation came when we talked about who should receive suicide prevention education.

Leah’s answer?

Essentially, everyone.

Teachers. School staff. Police officers. Paramedics. Firefighters. Employers.

And then Leah mentioned another group:

Hairdressers.

It initially sounds unexpected—until you think about it.

People tell their hairdresser things they may not tell anyone else. Hairdressers spend time talking one-on-one with people and may hear about divorces, losses, family struggles, depression, loneliness, or major life changes.

What if more of the people who naturally occupy these trusted places in our lives knew how to recognize suicide warning signs and connect someone with help?

Leah’s larger point is important.

We teach people CPR because someday they may be near someone experiencing a medical emergency.

Why shouldn’t more people understand the basics of recognizing and responding to a mental health crisis?

Leah pointed to awareness and intervention programs including safeTALK, QPR, Mental Health First Aid, Youth Mental Health First Aid, Suicide Prevention 101, and ASIST as examples of ways communities can become better prepared.3

Suicide prevention shouldn’t live exclusively inside behavioral healthcare organizations.

It belongs in communities.

Prevention Works

Leah has seen suicide prevention from several perspectives—as a behavioral healthcare professional, through prevention training and community work, and through her involvement with suicide prevention organizations.

So we asked what those experiences have taught her.

Her answer began with two words:

“Prevention works.”

But something else followed that deserves just as much attention.

Human connection.4

Leah believes we need more of it.

Technology can help us communicate, but being physically present with someone gives us opportunities to notice things that don’t always translate through a screen.

  • A change in someone’s demeanor.
  • Shaking hands.
  • Withdrawal.

The expression on someone’s face when you ask a difficult question.

The sense that the person sitting across from you isn’t really okay.

When we know what to look for, we can pay attention differently.

That doesn’t mean we will always recognize when someone is struggling.

It means we shouldn’t ignore what we notice.

You Don’t Have to Know Where to Go

Recognizing that someone needs help is one thing.

Knowing what kind of help they need can be another.

That is especially true for families trying to navigate behavioral healthcare during or after a mental health crisis.

Sometimes someone may need immediate crisis intervention or hospitalization.

At another point in their recovery, they may need a structured outpatient level of care, psychiatric services, therapy, recovery programming, or another community resource.

You don’t have to figure out that continuum by yourself.

Leah works with healthcare professionals, individuals, families, hospitals, schools, and community organizations to help connect people with behavioral health resources. Within River’s Bend’s Professional Partners model, she also serves as a point of contact for providers navigating referrals, levels of care, discharge coordination, and connections with the appropriate clinical team.

Sometimes River’s Bend may be the appropriate next step.

Sometimes another hospital, crisis resource, treatment provider, or community organization is better equipped to meet the person’s immediate needs.

Leah put River’s Bend’s role much more simply during our conversation:

If we can help, we’ll make the connection. If we can’t, we’ll help find the resources that can.

Because the objective isn’t getting someone into a particular program.

It’s getting them help.

If You Remember One Thing About Suicide Prevention, Remember This

At the end of our conversation, we asked Leah one final question:

If every person reading this remembered only one thing about suicide prevention, what would you want it to be?

There was no hesitation.

“Ask the question. If you are worried, ask the question.”
  — Leah Bogdanski, BS, CPS

You don’t need perfect words.

You don’t need to be certain.

You don’t need to know what the answer will be.

  1. Notice.
  2. Connect.
  3. Ask.

And if the answer tells you someone needs help, help them take the next step.

Because sometimes real support begins with one person caring enough to ask the question.

Help Is Available

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, emotional distress, or a mental health crisis, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. If there is an immediate life-threatening emergency, call 911 or seek emergency medical care.

If you are in Michigan and need help understanding behavioral healthcare resources or what the next step could look like, you can also reach out to Leah Bogdanski at River’s Bend.

You do not need to know which program, provider, or level of care is appropriate before reaching out.

Sometimes the first step is simply asking for help finding the next one.

Real Talk. Real Support.

Ask the question.

References

  1. Polihronis, C., Cloutier, P., Kaur, J., Skinner, R., & Cappelli, M. (2022). What’s the harm in asking? A systematic review and meta-analysis on the risks of asking about suicide-related behaviors and self-harm with quality appraisal. Archives of Suicide Research, 26(2), 325–347. DOI / publication ↩︎
  2. Rudd, M. D., Berman, A. L., Joiner, T. E., Nock, M. K., Silverman, M. M., Mandrusiak, M., Van Orden, K., & Witte, T. (2006). Warning signs for suicide: Theory, research, and clinical applications. Suicide and Life-Threatening Behavior, 36(3), 255–262. DOI / publication ↩︎
  3. Spafford, S. G., McWhirter Boisen, M. R., Tanner-Smith, E. E., Rodriguez, G., Muruthi, J. R., & Seeley, J. R. (2024). The Effects of Suicide Prevention Gatekeeper Training on Behavioral Intention and Intervention Behavior: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis. Prevention Science, 25(6), 978–988. DOI / publication ↩︎
  4. Darvishi, N., Farhadi, M., & Poorolajal, J. (2024). The Role of Social Support in Preventing Suicidal Ideations and Behaviors: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis. Journal of Research in Health Sciences, 24(2), e00609. DOI / publication ↩︎

Similar Posts